Potter the tactile monster
by youhavedirtonyournose
Summary: James Potter has always been a 'huggy' person, but when his hugs start giving Lily the feelings, things get a bit tricky...
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hello there! Just a light-hearted piece which will have more chapters coming up. I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: The Harry Potter world and characters belong to the might J.K. Rowling. I'm just having fun with them.

* * *

Lily Evans had never had so much trouble revising before. In fact, she was one of those rare specimens who actually enjoyed it.

Extremely organised and thorough, she loved to map out her revision with timetables and endless lists. In her mind, there was nothing more satisfying than making a plan and sticking to it.

This time, however, it just wasn't working.

At first she had thought that a change of location might help - boy, was she wrong.

She had tried everywhere. From the dungeons to the astronomy tower; abandoned classrooms to the library. Then there were the more unconventional places she had tried in moments of sheer desperation. Secret passageways, under her desk, on top of her desk, the Quidditch pitch, and even the Forbidden Forest. The last hadn't worked out so well - being unceremoniously chased down by an angry centaur.

 _How was she supposed to know that she was revising in their sacred clearing?_

The only silver lining she could think of in this dismal situation, was that it was only the practice exams coming up. She could afford a couple of flukes.

Yet, revising would be a welcome distraction from her _other distraction…_

She looked across the table at James Potter, who was happily engrossed in his Defence against the Dark Arts textbook. He had that annoying-as-hell ability to fully absorb himself into whatever he was doing.

 _Nice for some,_ Lily thought begrudgingly, feeling a strong urge to kick him.

James Potter was one of her best friends and had been since third year. Before that, well, their relationship had been rather tricky. He had loved to tease her, she had a temper; he was the class clown, she actually wanted to hear what the teacher was saying; he thought that rules were there to be broken; she enforced the rules.

It was easy to see why they hadn't got along.

That had all changed, however, when Lily discovered that their mutual friend, Remus Lupin, was a werewolf in their third year. Since that discovery, she had become a part of their group and hadn't looked back since.

Strange how things turn out.

Lily sighed, resting her chin in her hands. She absently scratched into the wooden table with her nails, feeling at odds with herself. Why couldn't she concentrate?

Silly question – she knew precisely why.

Blushing, she scratched out the JP initials she had just etched.

"I never knew you were a vandal."

Lily jumped in her seat guiltily, her head snapping up to find James staring at her. His eyes, those stupid smouldering eyes, widened at her dramatic response. Then he laughed.

"You scared me!" she accused, glaring at him.

James smirked mischievously, making Lily's stomach flutter. His brown eyes crinkled at the edges and dimples formed on his cheeks.

"By talking? Sorry - I'll be more considerate next time," he said sarcastically.

He got up out of his seat and stretched, reaching his arms up into the air, his fingers brushing the ceiling. Lily tried desperately not to gawp or blush at the sight of his shirt lifting up, but failed spectacularly. Luckily, James had his eyes closed in some kind of stretch heaven only accessible to athletes.

Then he opened his eyes, smiling with lazy satisfaction from his stretch, and started to walk around the edge of the table towards her.

Lily stiffened.

 _Oh no._

 _Not again._

He stopped behind her seat and leaned over, wrapping her into a hug. She automatically scrunched up her shoulders, feeling uncomfortable. It took all of her willpower not to squirm out of his arms.

"What were you huffing and puffing about anyway?" he mumbled into her shoulder.

She could feel his lips moving against her as he spoke. There was a t-shirt between them, but she still had to suppress the shiver that attacked her.

"Huh?" she asked breathily.

Lily was having a hard time breathing, never mind understanding.

"You've been making melancholy noises on and off for the last hour."

This, right here, was why she hadn't been able to concentrate for the past month. James Potter had always been a 'huggy' person – he would hug anyone short of a death eater. Since his dad's death, however, he had become even more tactile to say the least.

At first, Lily hadn't minded. She knew that it was just a comfort thing for James, and had been happy to let him snuggle her, stroke her hair, hold her hand and whatnot.

It was all well and fine, until Mr Potter's tactile ways started making her feel more-than-friendly feelings. She wasn't sure when it began, but one moment she was completely comfortable with it, and the next she was tingling every time he so much as looked her way.

And now she was in this unfortunate position of having to pretend that his blasted hands, which were currently stroking up and down her waist, didn't make her heart do the tango.

Lily bit down hard on her lip, willing herself to focus on forming coherent sentences.

"I can't concentrate," she finally managed to gasp.

"On what?" he asked, now nestling into her neck.

 _Of all things._

He started to graze his nose back and forth along her skin. Lily closed her eyes, leaning her head away from his so that he had more access. She supposed he was trying to sooth her, but he was doing the exact opposite. The more he touched her, the more worked up she was getting.

When his breath started to gently tickle her skin, she moaned softly.

Lily's eyes flew open.

She pushed his arms away from her and half scrambled onto the table to create some space.

"You need to stop!" she demanded, sounding embarrassingly out of breath.

James straightened up, his eyebrow cocking upwards quizzically. He ran a hand through his messy, dark hair, something he always did when he was startled. Hesitantly, he began to walk forward but she stopped him, holding her hand out firmly.

James froze, regarding her outstretched hand in confusion. Then he gently moved it aside so that he could perch on the table next to her.

"Stop what?" he asked.

The side of his body was flush against hers, all concept of personal space scattered to the wind. It was times like these when Lily wished that James was more socially aware. Most people understood, without a step-by-step explanation, why this kind of touchy-feely behaviour might be inappropriate.

 _Not James._

In many ways, he was completely innocent in the sense that he couldn't read Lily's reactions to him – something she was both grateful and ungrateful for.

Lily scooted to the edge of the table, feeling rather frantic.

"T - touching me all the time," she replied querulously.

"You're always doing it – and I – it's – it's hard to concentrate!"

James blinked in surprise at her outburst. He kept opening his mouth to say something, then snapping it shut. Finally, he settled on a response.

"You want me to stop touching you?"

"Yes," she said, avoiding eye contact.

"I'm just not a very touchy-feely person."

She peeked a glance at him and saw that he was frowning, his arms crossed tightly against his chest.

"You've never minded before," he said suspiciously.

It was true. She hadn't minded before, but things change when one's hormones decide to get inconveniently rebellious.

James touching her that way, not knowing how it made her feel, was no longer okay.

 _But she couldn't tell him that._

"Look – I'm just stressed about the exams," she explained (lied through her teeth).

"I guess I don't like being touched when I'm stressed."

Lily looked at him apologetically as she gave her made-up excuse, hoping that she sounded convincing. She didn't want to upset him, but she really needed him to stop with all the handsy business.

He was looking at her with furrowed brows, digesting her explanation, chewing it over.

Then he sighed, getting up off the table and walking back around to his seat.

"Fair enough," he muttered, pulling his textbook back towards him.

Lily's stomach tugged guiltily. He sounded a mixture of disappointed and offended. If he knew the truth, he wouldn't be feeling either of those things, but knowing the truth might ruin their friendship. She couldn't risk it.

She shakily returned to her own seat, her body tingling from shock. Had she really just blurted that out so tactlessly?

And just when she thought they were destined to be spending the night in awkward silence, James looked up at her with a hopeful smile.

"Just let me know when I can touch you again."

Lily's face flushed pink at the very idea of asking such a thing.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: _Righteo! Here is chapter two. Thank you to all the people who have followed/favourite(d)/reviewed my story so far. I hope that you all continue to enjoy it._

 _Disclaimer: The Harry Potter world and characters belong to J. K. Rowling. Merlin bless her._

* * *

 _So, Lily…_

Sirius' handwriting appeared smack-bang in the middle of her parchment - annoyingly. She hated it whenever James and Sirius wrote to her in class. True, it was much more efficient than physically passing paper around, but she was quite precious about her class notes. Lily always rewrote anything from class that had their nonsensical ramblings all over it.

Sighing, she jabbed at her parchment with her wand, then surreptitiously waved it in Sirius' direction, casting the spell 'Lacus' nonverbally. This meant that anything she now wrote would automatically appear on Sirius' parchment as well.

 _So, Sirius,_ she wrote back, wondering what weird conversation they were about to embark on.

Conversations, you see, were always weird with Sirius. The boy was barking mad - sometimes literally.

 _James made a rather strange request of me yesterday._

A lump formed in Lily's throat. She brushed her hands through her blood-orange hair, a habit she had picked up from spending so much time with James. If seeing his name written down was enough to give her palpitations, then this was getting out-of-hand.

She sneakily glanced sideways at where James was sat to her left, making sure he hadn't been looking at her parchment. James, however, was too busy gazing out of the window with a glazed expression. Besides, there was quite a lot of space between their two chairs, Lily noted sadly.

Attempting to swallow the lump of nerves down to some abyss where they could no longer bother her, she forced herself to write a reply.

 _Oh?_

It was short and sweet, but she really couldn't think of anything else to say. She didn't want to sound too eager to know the inner workings of Potter's handsome head.

Lily tapped her foot impatiently. She was very eager to know whether this request he had made of Sirius had anything to do with her. Holding her breath, she intently followed the dawdling scrawl of Sirius' reply.

 _He wanted me to find out why you don't want him to touch you._

 _His words, not mine._

She chewed at her lip, reading the words more times than necessary. Lily knew that James had been upset by her request, but she had hoped that her little fib was enough to reassure him that there was nothing to be upset about. It had obviously failed to do so.

 _You two getting kinky?_

Lily blinked in alarm at the recent addition to their conversation. Her head snapped quickly to the left, to make sure that James was still in Wonderland, but instead found him to be looking right at her.

James' eyes widened, presumably due to the fact that he was suddenly staring into Lily's bright green eyes, rather than at her bright orange hair. She wondered how long he had been staring at her for, and knowing that he had been staring at her made her stomach do the loop-de-loop.

He smiled crookedly, pulling a face as though to say 'you caught me', and she smiled shyly back, looking up at him through her eyelashes. Lily couldn't drag her eyes away, and for once, couldn't be bothered to argue with her pesky peepers. She relaxed into it, watching his adams apple bob up and down as he swallowed.

Lily wasn't sure what had come over them both, but after days of acting distant with each other, it was as though they were catching up on lost time.

Her eyes traced over his messy, dark hair, his slightly sticky-out ears, his lips… These were all things she had noticed before, but this was the first time she had allowed herself to have a good ole' look since her feelings had developed.

James was doing the same thing she was, sat casually with his chin in hand, just taking her in.

When their eyes met again, he was smiling knowingly. Then he winked at her before slowly turning to face the front of the classroom.

Lily copied him, feeling a bit shaken. _What just happened?_

She focused on her breathing, trying not to get ahead of herself. It wasn't so strange, after all, to observe a friend every now and then. It didn't have to mean anything.

Looking down at her parchment, she gratefully delved back into the conversation between herself and Sirius, happy for the distraction.

 _No! Merlin, Sirius._

She hesitated, chewing the tip of her quill. How should she explain?

 _He means hugging, snuggling, that sort of thing._

Sirius snorted with laughter from his seat at the front of the class. He wasn't sat with them due to the fact that Sirius and James had been banned from sitting next to each other since first year, and none of the teachers seemed willing to relax the rule for their final year. Lily couldn't say she blamed them.

"Are you quite alright, Mr Black?" Professor Slughorn asked, amused by Sirius' outburst.

As far as teachers went, Professor Slughorn was alright. A shameless name-dropper if there ever was one, but he didn't begrudge the students their fun.

"Peachy, Sir," Sirius replied cheekily, leaning his stool back onto two legs and resting his hands behind his head.

"Glad to hear, m'boy. I never knew the Draught of Living Death could be so amusing."

A couple of appreciative chuckles echoed around the class, quickly dying when Professor Slughorn continued with his gruesomely detailed explanation on how to dissect a sloth's brain.

 _I feel a lot more comfortable asking you this question now. All he said to me was: 'Ask Lily why she doesn't want me to touch her.'_

 _Sometimes I worry about that boy._

Lily rolled her eyes in amusement.

 _I'm glad I was able to put you at ease,_ she wrote.

There was a long pause before Sirius' writing popped up again.

 _So… why don't you want Potter to touch you?_

Lily frowned. She was yet again faced with the most momentous of all questions: to lie, or not to lie.

It wasn't long before she decided to spew the same fib to Sirius, as she had to James. She was, after all, more a cowardly lion than a Gryffindor lion.

 _I've already told him why. I don't like it when I'm stressed - which I happen to be at the moment._

His reply was almost instantaneous, ink flying across the page.

 _Bollocks. You're a terrible liar, Evans._

Lily didn't bother replying after that, despite the numerous question marks of various sizes that kept appearing on her parchment. What was the point? Sirius knew that she was lying and she really didn't want to give him the real reason - they were at a standoff.

Later that evening, however, she caved.

They were all sitting in the Great Hall for their dinner, and Sirius had made sure to sit next to her so that she could gain the full benefit of his incessant pestering. He had been at it all day - giving her pointed looks, hijacking her class notes and taking any opportunity to grill her for answers.

Once James was safely engaged in conversation with Remus across the table, she turned to Sirius murderously. If she didn't tell him now, Sirius was in danger of having one of his eyes poked out.

"I like him - that's why. Now just leave it," she hissed at him quietly.

Sirius gaped at her, which was perfectly disgusting as his mouth was full of roast chicken. He swallowed hurriedly - too hurriedly - resulting in his nearly choking.

After he had hastily gulped down some orange juice to ease the chickens decent down his throat, he turned to look at Lily, his grey eyes bugging out.

"As in, like like?" he asked.

Lily wouldn't have exactly phrased it in that way, but she knew what her friend meant. She looked down at her plate of food, her cheeks feeling uncommonly hot as she nodded in admission.

When a minute had passed of Sirius not saying anything, Lily worked up the courage to sneak a glance at his reaction. This was a mistake.

She yelped in surprise as she found herself being suddenly crushed into Sirius' chest. His arms were wrapped tightly around her, dangerously close to the point of hurting, making escape impossible. He also happened to be swinging her about like a rag doll, which really wasn't an easy feat whilst sat down on a bench.

Lily finally managed to push him away, gasping. _Had he lost his marbles?_

"I'm so happy," Sirius declared, turning to the rest of their group with a wide grin.

He looked as good as his word - as giddy as a child on Christmas Eve.

James and Remus were both wearing identical (and adorable) looks of bewilderment, their eyebrows raised and mouths half open. Peter Pettrigrew was still happily eating, not having realised that anything out of the ordinary was going on.

"Why?" Remus asked slowly, sounding a little scared.

 _And rightly so,_ Lily thought. _That hug was more like assault._

"I am happy because -"

Lily froze as though she had been hit with a full body-bind curse.

 _He wouldn't._

"Today - this glorious day -"

 _He would?_

"Miss Evans has informed me that -"

Lily rugby tackled him off the bench.

Nobody had seen that one coming, least of all herself, but tackle him she did. She pinned him down in the aisle between the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff table, but once she had him pinned down, she was at a loss of what to do next.

Everybody was staring. The teachers, the students, the paintings...

She leaned down so that only he could hear her.

"Don't you bloody dare," she seethed.

Then she clambered up and attempted to walk out of the Great Hall with as much dignity as she could muster, not daring to look anywhere but straight ahead. She had probably failed on the dignity front.

For the rest of the evening, she hid up in her bedroom, feeling extremely sorry for herself and plotting ways to make Sirius die a most painful death. She jumped at every noise, nervous that James would come knocking at her door, knowing about her how she felt.

Lily had no idea whether Sirius had told him, but she liked to assume the worst so that she could best prepare herself.

So it was with both great relief and regret when, just as she was settling into bed, an owl flew through her open window with a note.

 _You've got until the end of the week, Evans. So Gryffindor up._

 _Your loving friend,_

 _Sirius_

 _P.S. You're bloody stronger than you look!_

 _P.S.S James has properly fallen out with me over this so tell him soon!_


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hello! Here is chapter three. Thank you again for the follows, favourites and reviews. I am pleased that people are enjoying it so far!

Happy reading :D

* * *

Lily Evans awoke the next morning with one thought consuming her: _tell him today._

The more she repeated that thought, however, the more she retreated back under the covers. It was nice and warm and safe there. Must she really leave and face the world?

She had always been a worrier, sometimes making herself sick over it. From experience, she had found that the best way to deal with something that was worrying her, was to get it over and done with as quickly as possible. If she stalled, she would only be prolonging this feeling of dread.

Besides, it was already Thursday, and Sirius had only given her until the end of the week.

Lily allowed herself ten additional minutes of snuggling into her covers – her nerves direly needing it – before forcing herself out of bed. Once showered and dressed, she left her bedroom and went downstairs to the head's common room.

James was ready before her, for once, reading a book on the sofa. He looked up briefly as she entered then went straight back to reading. If she didn't know any better, that was quite the cold morning greeting. Was he mad at her?

"Are you ready?" Lily asked, trying her best to sound cheery.

James kept his face down, turning the page silently.

"I'm just going to finish this chapter. I'll catch up with you later," he replied stonily.

Lily faltered. Well, that answered her question. He was mad with a capital M, but she didn't understand why he would be when things had been fine between them the day before. Heck, things had been so fine, they had even shared a moment.

 _What was going on?_

"Okay. Well – see you later then," she said quietly, leaving their common room uncertainly.

As soon as she reached the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, she began to grill Sirius for an explanation. No 'good morning' or 'sleep well?' – just straight to business.

"What did you mean when you said he had fallen out with you?" she asked, as she plonked down opposite Sirius. She pulled a plate towards her and piled two pieces of toast onto it, all the while keeping her eyes fixed sternly on Sirius' face.

Remus looked between the two curiously, his fork frozen halfway between the plate and his waiting mouth. Lily didn't give a flying doughnut whether he listened. Everything seemed miniscule compared to having James mad at her.

"He's fallen out with me because I wouldn't tell him why you rugby tackled me," Sirius replied happily, as though he was sharing some good news.

"So now he is more suspicious than ever."

He looked perfectly chipper about the fact that he had made James suspicious. At times, Lily wondered whether Sirius was stuck like a record to one emotion setting, incapable of feeling any others.

"Why didn't you just make something up?" she asked curiously.

Surely that would have been better than downright refusing to give up the ghost. No wonder James had fallen out with him.

Sirius clearly didn't think this way, judging by the look of horror on his face. It was as though she had suggested something blasphemous.

"Because, unlike somebody I know," he began slowly, "I'm incapable of lying to that adorable excuse for a wizard."

Lily felt a rush of guilt at his words. She hadn't really thought of it as lying, but more as sparing their friendship. It only now occurred to her that in trying to avoid unpleasantness, she had caused it by doing one of the few things that James hated.

James Potter was honest to a fault, and he expected everybody else to be. In his mind, if you didn't want to say something, then it was better to keep one's trap shut rather than come up with something false.

Hopefully he would forgive her when she told him the truth later.

"You should just get it over and done with," Remus piped up casually, wolfing down his hefty portion of scrambled eggs. A werewolf's got to eat.

"That's what I'm going to – wait – did Sirius tell you?" Lily demanded.

She glared accusingly at Sirius. How had this whole situation gone from nobody knowing her little secret, to all and sundry knowing overnight? The only reason she had told Sirius in the first place was because he was being a royal pain in the Merlin-knows-what, and she deeply regretted giving in.

"There was no need for him to tell me anything," Remus replied nonchalantly, sipping at his scalding cup of tea.

"It was painfully obvious. I'm just not as dense as the rest of you."

Sirius shoved Remus playfully, nearly knocking the cup of tea all over the table.

"Well, cheers," Sirius said sarcastically, looking simultaneously offended and amused.

"You're very welcome," Remus nodded, patting Sirius patronisingly on the head to add even more insult to the injury.

Lily digested this quietly. If it was so painfully obvious, then how many people around the school knew about how she felt? Her cheeks grew hot at the thought.

Shaking her head, she tried to focus on finding out what she had originally wanted to know.

"Sirius," she said quietly, interrupting his and Remus' little play fight. He immediately stopped messing up Remus' hair and turned to her expectantly.

"Do you know why he's mad at me as well?" she asked.

He blinked at her.

"Don't you?" he countered, looking surprised.

"Well – no," Lily frowned in response. "Why do you think I'm asking you?"

Sirius suddenly looked uncomfortable, turning to Remus for assistance. He had clearly forgotten that Remus didn't know the whole story, and Lily was not surprised to see him shrug at Sirius' appealing expression.

Finally, when Remus proved to be no help, Sirius turned back towards her, rubbing at the back of his neck awkwardly.

"You've hurt his feelings, Lily. First you ask him not to touch you, then you lie about the reason. I'm no Einstein, but _come on._ "

"Wait - you asked him not to touch you?" Remus interrupted in astonishment.

When Lily nodded, he whistled forebodingly.

"Oh, Lily," he admonished, shaking his head. "Didn't you know that touching you is the highlight of his day? He must be in pieces."

Lily scoffed at this – she didn't want to hear it. She knew what she knew, and she wasn't going to let anybody convince her otherwise. To let them, would be setting herself up for a heartbreak.

"Stop being weird – both of you," she said firmly, sounding scarily like Professor McGonnagall.

"He doesn't see me in that way and that's fine. This isn't about finding out his feelings, it's about getting this over and done with so we can get back to being friends. Got it?"

Remus and Sirius shared a conspiratorial look, making Lily want to bang their heads together. Sighing, she picked up her book bag and clambered off the bench.

 _She had had enough of those two for one day._

"I'm going to tell him today. So just – bear with me," she said, beginning to turn away from them.

"Good on you, Lilykins," Remus nodded in approval.

"I'm so happy for you both!" Sirius burst out as though he was high on sugarquills.

Lily spun back round to face them furiously, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Why is everybody happy about this apart from me?" she snapped, finally at her wits end.

"My broken heart is impending don't you know?"

Then she stomped off, leaving a stunned Sirius and Remus in her wake. They watched her stalk through the double oak doors, then looked at each other with amusement once she had safely exited the hall.

"She's being almost as dramatic as James about this," Remus chuckled.

Sirius nodded in agreement.

"They're going make a right pair."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Off we go again. This chapter is the second last chapter I'm planning on doing by the way! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter doesn't belong to me - unfortunately.

* * *

It was more difficult than she thought it would be to get James on his own – particular since he was avoiding her. Three times she had been on the brink of asking if they could go somewhere to talk, and all of those times he had made some excuse to leave before she got the chance.

This made her all the more determined to tell him the truth as soon as possible. Lily was desperate to get this whole business out of the way, which was why she had planned to ambush him after his Quidditch practice. This time, she wasn't going to let him escape until he knew all about her warm and fuzzy feelings.

She climbed up to the stands and took a seat where the Gryffindor section would usually be during a match.

The practice was already in full swing, with James bellowing orders at his team as they all zipped around blindingly fast. Not for the first time, Lily wondered how it was possible to play a game at such a speed. She could barely make them out, so Merlin knew how they managed to pass the Quaffle to each other.

Lily had brought a book to keep her occupied, but found that she didn't need it. Once her eyes had located James, they were fixed with superglue strength.

He was very impressive, outstripping the rest of the team by a good arm and a leg. Not that the other Gryffindor's were rubbish – they certainly weren't – but James was in a league of his own. James was so good at flying, many wondered whether the broomstick was entirely necessary.

After about half an hour of practice, Charlie Weasley, the reserve seeker, spotted her.

"Hey, Lily!" he called, as he hovered near where she was sitting.

Lily waved, smiling. Charlie was in his second year, and Lily had got to know him quite well when she had tutored him in potions the previous year. He was like a younger version of Hagrid – a heart of gold and weirdly obsessed with creatures that could eat you for breakfast.

James must have seen Charlie speaking with someone in the stands, because next thing she knew, he was zooming towards her from across the pitch. The other players all slowed to a halt as their captain suddenly abandoned ship.

"Time out then I take it, James?" yelled one of the players - Lily couldn't tell who from this distance.

"Take five!" James shouted back over his shoulder.

He came to a stop next to her and dropped to the ground, swinging his leg off the broom. It was surprising how gracefully he managed to dismount. Lily had no doubts that if she tried to dismount a broom like that, she would land flat on her bottom and probably take down a few unsuspecting victims too.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

James looked all shades of sweaty, but it oddly worked for him, or perhaps Lily was just biased. She allowed herself a few moments to appreciate the tight t-shirt he was wearing, nicely accentuating his muscly arms and broad shoulders.

Smiling to herself, she thought back to the time when James had been a lanky, walking scarecrow. He had definitely filled out somewhat – in the good way.

"Do I need a reason to watch my friend practice?" she quipped jokingly.

James wasn't having any of it though, completely disregarding Lily's attempt to keep the mood light.

"With the way you've been acting recently – yeah," he said gruffly.

 _Ouch._ James had never been one to pull any punches – he said it as he saw it. Lily looked sheepishly down at her wringing hands, her stomach in knots.

"There's a fairly good reason for how I've been acting," she said softly.

James sat down on the bench next to her, making her heart jolt. He carefully put an arm around her shoulders, his eyes searching hers for any sign that she didn't want him to. Instead of resisting, however, she leant against his shoulder. She figured that she might as well enjoy it while she could – he wouldn't be touching her with a barge pole once he knew how she felt.

"Tell me what the reason is," he murmured into her hair, sending tingles shooting down to her toes.

Lily opened her mouth to speak but promptly shut it again. This was really not the time, with his entire team waiting around and watching them.

"Can we go for a walk after this?" she asked hopefully, raising her head to look at him.

He gazed back at her curiously, his eyes narrowing. Then he stood up and mounted his broom again.

"Sure – we're just finishing up."

* * *

Lily loitered awkwardly outside of the Quidditch changing rooms, waiting for James to come out. She tried her best to sound natural as some of the other players called out to her as they walked past on their way back to the castle.

Finally, James exited the changing rooms with an excitable Charlie Weasley trailing behind him. James locked up while Charlie rabbited away about something or other – Lily couldn't hear what from where she was standing.

James kept nodding his head at whatever Charlie was saying, chewing his lip in exasperation. He was clearly trying his best to be patient with the little seeker – and failing. Lily decided to go and save him. Charlie could rabbit on for hours if you let him.

"Hey," she greeted, walking towards them.

They both turned to look at her – one grinning from ear to ear, the other looking immensely relieved.

Lily's breath caught in her throat at the sight of James. He was freshly showered, hair still half wet and sticking out in every conceivable direction. She didn't know what it was, but there was something about James fresh out of the shower that threatened to make her melt into a puddle.

"Alright, Lily?" Charlie chirped. "Looking lovely as usual."

Lily looked down at Charlie, grateful that the second year was there. If he hadn't been, Lily was pretty sure she might have jumped James there and then.

"Thank you, Charlie," she smiled in response.

"No – _thank you_ ," Charlie replied pointedly, winking.

Lily laughed, embarrassed. Her little friend was becoming quite the schmoozer. James wasn't impressed, however, and clipped the gangly second year round the head.

"Get going, Romeo," he commanded.

"Are you two not coming back to the castle?" Charlie asked, looking between them both.

"Actually we're going to go for a walk first," Lily answered, looking nervously at James.

"And you're not invited," James said abruptly, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring challengingly at Charlie.

Lily swatted James on the arm, reprimanding him for the abruptness.

Charlie scoffed in response, unfazed by James' threatening behaviour. Lily wasn't sure whether he was very brave, very foolish, or a brave fool.

"You can't keep a girl like Lily to yourself, James. It's unfair on the rest of us."

Lily gaped down at Charlie, her cheeks flushing red.

"Bye, beautiful," he grinned at her, and ran off towards the castle as though expecting James to chase after him.

Lily looked towards James, laughing in disbelief. Charlie had certainly come quite a way from the shy boy she had tutored in first year.

James was glaring in the direction that Charlie had run off in, eyes narrowed dangerously

"I swear to Merlin – if he wasn't so good, I'd boot the little brat off the team," he growled.

Lily tutted and rolled her eyes.

"No you wouldn't. He was just messing around."

"You're right – I wouldn't. He's giving Rob a run for his money already – might have to move him off the bench."

Lily smiled at the look of pride on James' face. James might act like a bit of a hard nut at times, but he was always one to root for the underdog.

Traditionally, the Quidditch teams were made up of rich kids whose parents could afford the best broomsticks money could buy. James had turned that on its head when he became captain. He made everyone do the trials on the same broomsticks, and everyone who made the team deserved it one hundred percent.

Charlie Weasley didn't have a galleon to his name, but he had a snitch.

They walked in silence for a while, skirting around the Forbidden Forest. Lily wracked her brains for how to say what she wanted to say. She wished she had rehearsed something before tracking him down – she was not prepared at all.

"Do you want to sit down?" he asked, dragging her from her thoughts.

She looked up, realising for the first time that they were at the edge of the lake. Lily always thought it looked prettiest at this time of day, with the sun setting and the sky darkening to a pinky-blue.

"Sure," she replied.

They sat down on the bank, and Lily looked obstinately forward, watching the sun twinkling in the ripples. James was staring at her though, waiting, and there was only so long she could put off explaining herself.

She took a deep breath.

"So about the whole touching thing," she began, pulling nervously at the cuffs of her long-sleeved top.

"I know it was weird and –"

Lily stopped, scrunching her nose in frustration. _Why was it so hard to get the words out?_

"It's fine, Lily. I already know," James spoke quietly, saving her from her dismal lack of eloquence.

She looked over at him in surprise. _He knew?_

James was currently pulling grass from out of the ground. With a sinking feeling, Lily noted how miserable he looked. He knew that she liked him and he clearly wasn't happy about it.

 _Well – that's that._

"When did you first realise?" he asked, still looking at the ground as though it held all the answers to the big questions in life.

Lily's shoulders slumped and she turned back to face the lake, a lump lodged uncomfortably in her throat. Did he really need to know the ins and outs? What good would it do to know when she started fancying him?

"A couple of months ago, I guess," she murmured.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable – I didn't mean to," he said just as quietly.

Her stomach felt as though something heavy had taken residence there. She could hear the sympathy in his voice, and it was all she could do to stop herself from blubbering like an idiot.

"It's okay," she managed to respond croakily.

A long silence fell over them, heavy and oppressing. The shadows from the trees were growing rapidly longer, and the temperature had dropped noticeably. She shivered – they would have to go back inside soon, and she wanted this to be done with before they left.

"Look," she began, her voice sounding hoarse, "our friendship is more important to me than this – so – I'm more than happy to brush this under the carpet if you are?"

She looked at him hopefully. As disappointed as she was that he didn't feel the same way – for a little part of her had hoped – being friends took precedence over her wounded ego.

"Sounds like a plan," James replied, turning to her with a wry smile.

His smile looked so forced, lacking the warmth it normally held. A sudden fear gripped her, that she had opened a can of worms that couldn't be unopened. What if they _couldn't_ go back to normal?

At that thought, a couple of tears finally made their great escape down her freckled cheeks. Being rejected and possibly losing a friend in one day was just a little bit too much for her.

She wiped impatiently at her eyes, abruptly turning to hide her face. It was too little, too late, though. He had been looking right at her when those fat, juicy tears decided to put in an appearance. Couldn't they have waited until she was alone in her bed?

"Lily?"

He sounded alarmed and was on in his knees in a flash, crawling towards her. She held out a hand to stop him but he ignored her, pulling her into a hug. Well, it was more like a cradle with the way he started to rock her.

"S-sorry," she sniffed into his warm chest. "I'm fine, honestly. Just a little embarrassed."

James stroked her hair, his chin resting on top of her head.

"Shouldn't this be the other way round?" he said with a humourless chuckle.

Lily frowned. _What was he talking about? Why on earth would it be the other way round?_

"I don't get you," she replied, prising herself away from him. She didn't want to get too comfortable in his arms, now knowing for sure that he didn't fancy her back.

"Oh I don't know," he began to reply sarcastically, "maybe because I've just been turned down by the prettiest red head walking?" He smiled sheepishly at her but his eyes were hard.

 _Hang on..._

She blinked at him in bewilderment, opening and closing her mouth like a goldfish.

"I'm not – I'm not rejecting you – you're rejecting me," she finally managed to splutter.

"Aren't you?"


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Final chapter... I think. It seems like a good place to finish anyway. I may do a spin off of their first time if people would like that? Let me know if you would! I hope you enjoy this final instalment as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Disclaimer: The Harry Potter world and characters don't belong to me.

* * *

Now it was James' turn to look surprised. He ran a hand through his hair, narrowing his eyes at her as though trying to determine whether she was joking or not.

"I think we need to backtrack," he said slowly, carefully.

Lily nodded in agreeance. _Clearly._

She was thrumming with anticipation. If James had thought he was being turned down, then surely that meant there was something _to_ turn down.

"This is what I thought was going on," James began, "you found out that I liked you, which was why all the touching started to creep you out. Am I close?"

Lily stared at him, dumbstruck.

 _That's what he had thought?_ Had her efforts to hide her feelings been so effective, that she had given the exact opposite impression?

She laughed lightly in shock, shaking her head at him.

"Oh. Well – I have no idea what's going on then," James exclaimed in frustration, throwing his hands in the air.

His cheeks were flushed with embarrassment, presumably realising that Lily hadn't known about his feelings before now, and he had just blurted them out thinking that she already knew. She wanted to reassure him, so she scooted closer until their knees were touching. Then, hesitantly, she reached for one of his hands and held it.

"I asked you to stop touching me because it made me nervous," she said in a rush, needing to get it out.

James' hand twitched in hers.

"So I _was_ creeping you out," he muttered, looking darkly at the ground.

"No," Lily trailed, looking at him pointedly. All she received in return, however, was his blank and slightly irritated stare. _He just didn't get it._

"Seriously, James, do I have to spell it out?" she huffed.

James arched an eyebrow upwards.

"Obviously. We're both naff at this," he retorted.

Lily frowned in annoyance. They really were naff at this, so it looked as though cowardly-lion-Lily was going to have to go on holiday. She resolved herself to - as Sirius had put it – Gryffindor up.

She chewed at her lip, which was now sore from all the nervous chewing she had been putting it through of late. Again, Lily wished that she had rehearsed some kind of speech. Never, in the history of witches, had there been a girl so utterly incapable of stringing words together.

"Its – well - I guess most people would describe it as a good kind of nervous, though Merlin knows why they would."

 _Wait a go, Lily,_ she thought bitterly. _If that wasn't a confusing and evasive place to start, I don't know what is._

Taking a deep breath, she tried again.

"You touching me is very similar to be tickled," she began to explain, feeling strangely like a parent who was about to embark on that wondrous conversation regarding the birds and the bees.

 _Too mechanical._

It feels nice – in a way – but it is also unbearable."

Lily sighed in frustration. She might as well be talking in tongues, and judging by the flabbergasted look on James' face, he thought so too.

"I can't think properly, I can't breathe, and I'm not in control."

 _Slightly better. She was inching closer to the heart of it, albeit at a painfully slow rate._

"I want you to keep going as much as I want you to stop. It makes me want to kiss you and –"

James squeezed her hand, pulling it so that her body turned to face his.

"Woah – hold up," he interrupted abruptly.

"It makes you want to kiss me?"

 _Ah – finally she had said something to drive the message home. The galleon had dropped._

Lily nodded numbly, her stomach somersaulting at the look of excitement on James' face.

"Well – that's all I needed to know," James murmured, his gaze dipping down to her lips.

Before she knew it, she was on her back with James leaning over her, smirking wickedly. He had both of her hands pinned down above her head, and their faces were so close that she could feel his breath tickling her skin.

The change in position was disorientating to say the least.

"Wh-what are you doing?" she stuttered.

"I've got to see this for myself, Lily."

Lily barely had time to gulp nervously before James kissed her.

His lips were softly pressed up against hers, remaining still for a few moments, seeming to know that she needed time to adjust to the shock. Then, ever so slowly, he moved them, caressing her lips.

Lily responded shyly, gently moving her own lips with his, falling into a rhythm with him. She reached her hands up to his hair, tangling her fingers in it - something she had always wanted to do.

Every time she took a step forward, however, James would up the game, doing something new to make her nerves explode all over again. He wasn't going to give her any chances to calm down.

Her heart was stuttering as fast as a hummingbird's wings as his hands stroked at her hips, her waist, her neck. Then, ever so slowly, he inched her top up so that her stomach was bare. He traced a single finger along her skin, back and forth, circling until she gasped and shuddered.

Chuckling, he then lowered his body onto hers but kept the weight on his arms, so he didn't squish her whilst simultaneously giving her a heart attack - that would be bad manners.

His tongue traced the crease between her upper and lower lip, before pushing through it firmly. Lily felt a spasm shoot from her stomach to her throat when the tip of his tongue made contact with hers.

 _Oh, mother of Merlin._

The kiss started to take over Lily. The nerves were still there, but at some point, she had clearly made a truce with them because they had shifted from unbearable, to unbearably nice.

Lily stroked his tongue with her own, feeling powerful whenever he moaned into her mouth as a result of something she had done. She allowed him to kiss her neck, biting the skin there and sucking.

That she _really_ liked, not being able to control the way her hips bucked upwards.

James jolted above her in response, raising himself up so that his own hips were a safe distance from her misbehaving ones. He looked down at her warily, as though she was both the scariest and most tempting thing he had ever seen.

"Woah - easy tiger," he warned in a low voice, panting slightly.

"Don't insult me. I'm a lion," she whispered back, smiling cheekily up at him.

"Well - how about that," James gasped raggedly.

Then they went back to it, kissing each other's merry little socks off.

* * *

Somehow, they managed to make it back to their shared common room, with many kissing stops along the way.

They were currently on the sofa, James face buried in her neck, both of them breathing heavily.

"I can't believe I didn't know," he rasped against her skin.

It's so obvious looking back."

Slowly, he trailed his tongue up her neck, all the way to the ear. Then he nibbled lightly at her lobe, causing her whole body to shiver. She could feel him smirking.

"You've got it bad," he whispered tauntingly.

Lily pushed him off her, climbing on top of him before he had the chance to resist. She returned the favour, nibbling teasingly at his neck until he groaned, grabbing at her hips.

She sat up then, arms crossed against her chest and looking down at him victoriously.

"So have you," she quipped back.

"You got me. Don't stop," he begged, his eyes dark.

She smiled, coyly, leaning down to kiss the tip of his nose.

"We've got all the time in the world," she murmured into his ear, before springing off him.

Lily sauntered off to the stairwell which led to her bedroom.

"Sweet dreams, James," she called mischievously over her shoulder, and ran quickly up the stairs in case he chased after her.

She had to go to bed. It was late and if she didn't, they would end up rushing through all the good things in a single night.

When she reached the top, she heard James call out to her.

"Wait, Lily!"

Lily turned to see James looking wildly up at her, his shirt collar hung open and hair dishevelled.

"I forgot to ask – you're my girlfriend now, right?"

Her eyes widened in disbelief.

"Strange way of asking, but yes – I suppose I am," she called back, unable to prevent the pink flush that painted her cheeks.

James grinned widely, giving her two thumbs up before dancing out of sight.

Lily shook her head in amusement, entering her bedroom. _Why did she like that buffoon again?_

Grinning, she flopped onto her bed and snuggled into her pillow.

 _Who the Merlin cared why? She had it bad._


End file.
